Saturday, 5 June 2010

Somebody's done for.

I felt very inspired earlier, but then something odd happened. It was either the heat, or the lack of dinner, or the very peculiar sexy undertone to the day's events, or something, but I just lost it. I had a horrid gruelling shift spent vastly looking at my feet, or the ceiling, or through people. Then there was a kids party at the end and I just wanted to take every child and methodically insert party food into their eyes. Except one, she was very cute. I actually forgot what it was I so desperately wanted to write about until I had some dinner. It's put me back on the straight and narrow.

This past week I have noticed a very large surge in ugly, retarded looking Brownies. On at least three separate occasions on three separate days, some halfwit, toothless, redneck, backwards runts in signature yellow jumpers and brown neck ties have come into the shop. Each and every time their ugliness astounded me. They all looked completely batty, too. Now, I once attended Brownies (shut up) and I also had a very ugly phase, which, come to think of it, happened simultaneously. I ask you this: is it the uniform that makes you severely ugly and retarded, or do they only accept deformed and cracked young girls into Brownies? It's just like that chicken/egg conundrum, but far more relevant to today's society.

On my lunch break I went to Specsavers to pick up my glasses. Despite being a pathetic prescription and only necessary to stop me getting headaches when I read or spend long periods of time stalking people on Facebook, I am very excited about having glasses. Anyway. I was walking up to the Kingsway from Oxford street and saw those bloody street ranger twerps chasing some shoplifter or other up the street. As if it wasn't enough of a treat to see those dingbats putting some effort into their job for once, a very fat security guard came bumbling up slowly behind, completely out of breath and actually pushed a small girl to the floor out of his way. It was just like the movies! Oh, how I did laugh. That little girl didn't though.

A very nice vegan woman came in and I spent a lot of time advising her on the best place to get sweets and chocolate from. I spent a long time telling her the wonders of Organica white chocolate before remembering I actually had a bar in my bag, so I brought it out for her to have a nibble. We bonded very well. It was so refreshing to meet someone who is vegan but is terrified of all the other vegans because they are loopy and pale. It reminded me of this time I mentioned I was vegan and some completely batshit crazy, fuck ugly goth with green hair was like "Me too! We're like soulmates!" Aiiiieeeeeeee!

Now that I have glasses, I can read for hours. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have a reading party. Yeah!